Better To Have Loved And Lost
by Hearts Desire
Summary: A pretty good story, I think. Another Slash to add to my list. Shannon Moore/Adam Copeland


A/N- Since all of my other stories besides one is finished, I am posting another one chapter story for y'all's amusement. Well, hopefully. Oh, guess what!?! I just found out this morning that I have a bestest bestest friend I haven't seen in ages and she goes to my school now! I luv ya Hollzie! That's not her real name BTW, it's Holly-Anne. She's so cool, I love her hair, it is sooooo long, longer than MINE and mine is to my waist!  
  
Title- Better To Have Loved And Lost  
  
Rating- PG-13  
  
Description- a sad angsty story for the most part, but there is some fun and romance in here, too. I spun the wheel of death and I landed on the CUTEST couple!!  
  
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It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Sometimes, I think otherwise. ACtually, I always think otherwise now. Ever since..well..ever since he died. I would lay in bed at night with him laying in front of me. He would press himself against my chest and go to sleep. I would be in such a position that, no matter how badly I was hurting from a match, I wouldn't feel anything except his body against mine and the heavenly pillows around us. I could feel his soft skin, run my hands through his silky hair, and smeel that wild soap he makes that seeps into my nose and reminds me of a feild we used to play in when we were younger.  
  
It's all gone now.  
  
Those stupid asses took away everything that meant anything to me.  
  
.  
  
They took Shannon.  
  
.  
  
It's better to have loved and lost. I scaff at that little phrase. If I never had loved Shannon, he'd probably still be here today. It wouldn't be so hard for me right now. I'd still have someone to hold at night, someone to celebrate things with. Some one to love.  
  
Those murderers, those assholes, those...rapists. I'm sorry, Shannon, I know you told me to forgive them, but I can't. Not after what they did.  
  
.  
  
I quickly shoved my way through the crowd, despite the police who were trying to hold me back. They stopped, though, when I got to where Shannon was. He was lying on the ground. A bright red bullet hole seeped deep crimson blood from his chest. Numerous cuts and gashes littered his frail frame. His jeans were torn and bloody in places and his beater was completely torn to shreds. His eyes were closed. I ran over. I needed to know he was still here with me.  
  
"Shannon? Shannon."  
  
He slowly rolled his head to face me and opened his eyes. He gasped lightly, "Adam." he coughed.  
  
A gush of red blood spilled over his lips. My eyes filled with tears.  
  
"Shannon, I'm so sorry. I should have gotten here earlier. I-"  
  
"Sh." he slowly lifted a shaking hand and placed two cold fingers on my lips, "Sh."  
  
"Shann, don't talk. Save your breath."  
  
A few tears slid from Shannon's clouded eyes, "Forgive them, Adam."  
  
"What? Shannon, just save your breath. Save your strength. You're starting to sound crazy." I laughed bitterly.  
  
"It won't help, baby. I know I won't make it."  
  
The red blood and spit continued to flood from his mouth, but I still wouldn't believe it.  
  
"No, Shann, don't say that! I need you!"  
  
The terars were threatening to pour down my face like never before, but I wanted to keep strong in front of Shannon. He wiped some stray tears from my face.  
  
"Forgive them."  
  
I wanted to play the dumb, but he repeated it again.  
  
"Please Adam. They don't know what they caused. Please forgive them. promise me."  
  
More tears fell down my face as Shannon started to cough and lose his breath. I wasn't willing to let him go yet, not without a fight.  
  
"Where the Hell are the medics?" I asked.  
  
"They-they were already...already here. I sent-sent them away."  
  
"Why, Shannon? They could help you!"  
  
"No," he took a deep breath, "I already knew what they were gonna say."  
  
"Shann-"  
  
"They can't help me."  
  
"Shannon, don't say that. Please, Shann, don't say that. Don't-"  
  
"Adam, please don't make this any harder."  
  
"How can I make this any harder?" I asked, "This is the hardest thing I've ever been through."  
  
I nearly died, for excuse of a better phrase because Shannon started to cry at my words. The tears washed away some of the blood on his face, bubt it was making it harder and harder for him to breathe. I forced myself to stop crying.  
  
"Shannon, quit crying." I said, perhaps a bit more stern than I had hoped, "I want you to be here as long as you can be."  
  
"Adam, I know that this is my time to go...please..please don' do anything stupid while- while we're apart."  
  
"Shann, you're too young to die. Please, hang on. Don't go, we can get you some help..."  
  
I knew that it was useless to argue and that I should be as accepting of what was happening as he was, but I just couldn't imagine my life with out him.  
  
"I..." there was a long silence, "I want to staty...with you so...so badly, baby. But,....I can't...I'll always watch over you...and be with you...so don't do anything dumb...we'll meet again."  
  
Shannon closed his eyes for a short while and I watched him, comtemplating what he had just said, but it didn't stop me from wanting him to be okay and alive. When he reopened his eyes, they were merely slits, showcasing tiny stars. Time seemed to be getting shorter and shorter. A few tears slid down his pale face; my vision was blurry as I tried to keep my own tears contained.  
  
"I don't know why I'm crying, I'm not even scared anymore." he mumbled.  
  
"I don't know either, Shanny." I said, laughing sadly and shaking my head.  
  
"Don't cry, baby, not when I can see you."  
  
His words were spaced and far between, "Don't be scared." he warned.  
  
I held onto his cold hand and kissed him on white lips, savoring the last taste I would get. His blood spread slightly on my lips and he weakly wiped it away with his other hand.  
  
"I'm sorry I can't kiss you back."  
  
"Don't be sorry, Shann."  
  
"Please, promise me you'll get Jeffy's cd out and tell Vince that I'm sorry I can't work under him anymore. And tell the guys that I'll miss them and I'm sorry. Please tell everyone that I'm sorry. And tell them not to be afraid, cause I'll still be here."  
  
His voice was quiet but it hit me over the head like a frying pan.  
  
"Don't go, Shanny!" I pleaded again, hopelessly, "Please, I'll do anything! Don't leave me like this!"  
  
Shannon looked at me as if his gaze was focused on something behind me, but still at me, and he smiled slightly.  
  
"I won't leave you and...Jeff, the guitar's in the closet, remember we hid it?"  
  
I couldn't stop the tears from pouring down my face. He was losing it and I was losing him.  
  
"Tell him, okay, Adam?" he asked.  
  
Obviously random memories were popping into his head and he was just saying what was there but I wanted to speak to him as long as possible.  
  
"I'll tell him, baby."  
  
I leaned forwardsto kiss his forehead and when I sat back, he looked at me one more time and smiled.  
  
"I love you, baby."  
  
"I love you too, Shannon."  
  
Shannon took a deep breath and closed his eyes. And he was gone.  
  
I slept at the police station that night and I went to Shann's funeral two days later. Since then, I visit his grave at least twice a weeek. It's the hardest thing I do. Sometimes jeff comes with, sometimes Matt or Shane, but either way, I feel so alone. It's been eight months, more than half a year, but I still have those dreams about that night. I wake up around midnight, sweaty and shakey and I'll reach in front of me to run my hands through his silky hair and he's not there. It's a major reality check. It makes me cry and it makes me think. What if he would have lived? Why would these people do this? Do they realize what they've done? If I would have just gotten there a bit sooner, could I have saved him?  
  
I have dreams that Shannon never died, and we went on and built that house that he dreamed of building; the one with the private studio and the ping pong table. I dream that he'll walk through that door when he's finished riding his dirtbike on the back track in the woods. He'll have some kind of bruise or cut from either crashing or landing on the pegs wrong, or something. I imagine him alive. I imagine us happy. I imagine ME happy.  
  
.  
  
"Adam? What are you doing, baby?"  
  
Adam Copeland looked up from his notebook and into the sparkling eyes of Shannon Moore, who leaned on Adam's shoulder and the table. Shannon peered into the notebook.  
  
"I see my name." he stated.  
  
"I know, I'm writin' about you." ADam replied, smirking and shutting the notebook.  
  
"What about?" Shannon asked, sliding into Adam's lap.  
  
"Ya remember that accident you were in almost a year ago?"  
  
"A bit."  
  
"I was just thinkin' about what might have happened if I would have lost you."  
  
"Is it sad?"  
  
"Yeah, but you're accepting."  
  
"Would I really be accepting, ya think?"  
  
"Yeah," Adam replied, pushing a stray strand of hair out of Shannon's face, "I know you too well."  
  
Shannon smiled and kissed Adam, "Ya wanna go play ping pong?"  
  
"Yes, of course. Remember, if you lose-"  
  
"I cook ya breakfast in bed tamarra." Shannon cut in, "That is, if I don't lock myself in my studio and die first!"  
  
"Shannon took off running down the hall, Adam took off after him. He ran into the game room. Shannon was nowhere to be found. Suddenly, he was jumped from the side and fell onto his back. He looked up at the laughing blonde on his chest.  
  
"I don't think so." Shannon laughed, kissing Adam's nose.  
  
"I love ya Shann. I am so glad you didn't die."  
  
Shannon laughed, his blonde hair showering his shoulders, "Me, too."  
  
.  
  
A/N- That's it! I sure hope ya liked the ending! Plear r&R! 


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